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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2005.05.27  20.09 INFO UPDATE ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* NEW BLOG LOCATION: http://lesjeuxsontfaits.blogspot.com/ New Location, Same Awesome Clarissa =P ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* whether ur truly interested, or just lookin for a reason to continue procrastinating, this is the place to go so hit it up, leave a comment and check out my links have a great summer everyone! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* MWAH! ~Cla Mood: chipper Music: bela fleck

	2005.03.14  13.54 REcap: sat susie hosted a rendezvous which started off segregated with the boys all sober and playing video games while the girls were gettin wasted playing drinking games with hard alcohol. haha who woulda thought we girls really are bigger partiers than the boys. =D as more people showed up though we desegregated and i tried gettin more people drunk. music was put on, people started dancing and we girls started gettin a lil touchy haha. to quote susie "if only you knew what liquor can do to a group of women..... there was ass touching, with some titties grabbin.... if only u were there to watch this happen...it was HOT!!" HAHA. it def was. we finally headed out and hit the sack. i passed out the second my head hit the pillow. sun i woke up to a headache and stomache ache but pulled myself togetha in time to go to Guido's with edgar, marty and rich to get some food and watch the ILLINI barely kick wisconsin's ass. sheesh it was a close one! (...so pathetic) after, i talked to my fam and found out my lil sis got a partime job workin as a hostess @ Greek Island, a kick ass greek restaurant in chi-town. Apparently jesse jackson comes in every monday and tommy lee was there last week. The coat check girl had just gotten fired so they put her temporarily in the coat check room workin with this other kid. in 5 hours they made $100 EACH in tips alone! thats f'kin insane!!!! i made $94 working from 10-5 @ papa del's on sat but i worked my ASS OFF speed walking non stop for those 7 hours and stressin out and havin to suck up and keep all my tables happy all day. ugh. i wish we had some kick ass restaurants on campus where rich people would tip me $5 for taking their frickin coats. oh well...c'est la vie, n'est pas?? i later hit up the comp lab to finish up a paper for today so that i could be free as a bird sun nite and attend c street's drag show w/chika, brian and michael!!! (everyone else ditched us. thanks a lot! puttin school work ahead of me!!! [shakin my head]) =D the show KICKED ASS!!! they had a dating game theme so they got 2 guys and 2 girls and hooked them up through a dating game with some same-gender hotties. well, they werent all that hot. lol. chika and i were slightly harassed by "Debbie" a 40-something year old man who was dressed like a woman and WASTED. haha he taught us that men were like SHOES, u gotta try them on and see how they fit before you buy any HAHAHA, he also relayed the fact that he loves men "with big cocks" and sorta forced us to agree that we did too. HAHA good times. the drag queens were gorgeous as ever and there were some KICK ASS costumes. i am SOO gonna be a drag queen for halloween. aight back to this paper that i need to put the finishing touches on. i have a long ass day to look forward too: paper, class, barcrawl shit, class again (6-8pm), research till 930 then FINALLY relax. leave me some luvin peeps. mwah to todos!!! ciao Mood: chipper

	2005.03.12  19.09 'tis an interesting life... ugh. again. another long day of work. i made a lot of money. and i'm gonna relax and drink w/my girls and boys. but im just soo tired. wed i went to cstreet w/Brian. good times. the bf and friends met up with us there. one of the incredible drag queens remembered me and said hi and hugged me, an fat asian girl tried to pick me up ALL nite (she would not back off!!!), and i made friends with one of the bartenders :) brian and i took our traditional tequila shots but cuz the bartenders luv us, they gave us each a DOUBLE SHOT for free. it was a HUGE tequila shot and needless to say, after a few long islands, a double gin & tonic and a beer, i was plenty wasted. at least brian didnt get as belligerant as last time haha thurs i worked, then hung w/the bf for a relaxing night. fri (yest) i went out with the roomie and susie to go see million dollar baby, and the world was right, its a very good movie. i didnt cry, but i was almost there. VERY GOOD. after we went out with some other friends to legends. i saw so many people there from all different parts of my life. some peeps from PAR, some peeps from work, and some peeps from RB!!!! (ceasar and some of his boys came in to visit! it was so random yet great). later we went to perkins for some dinna and i saw MIKEY! my dawlin, workin. tonite after a LONG DAYS' WORK, im just gonna chill w/peeps @ susie's shes havin a ''get together" which means liqua!!!!!!!!! haha jokin. but still, who ever said drinkin ur problems away is a bad thing??? what a load of bull =D tomorrow= DRAG SHOW @ C STREET! YES! im out mwah Mood: content

	2005.02.26  01.10 she works hard for the money it feels like ive been living at papa del's lately. ive been pickin up shifts and workin more than half the week for the past 3 wks now, its gettin so i wanna shoot myself everytime i pass the building. i worked last nite, tonite and im opening manana. at least after that i'll have a 2 day break from that place. ugh i find it pathetic that the other day when i went out i had 2 people say to me at the bars "hey! waitress @ papa del's right?" ... i'm there too much... on a lighter note, last nite was fun. went out for susie's bday to legends. good times. the girls bonded over our same gender crushes for angelina jolie (we all agreed wed jump at a chance to get in bed with that woman) and apparently i kissed susie on the lips for a pic lol. no memory of that. i got mighty drunk and woke up to a HORRIBLE hang over this mornin which was still goin when i went to work. my eyes were so blood shot everyone thought i had just smoked up or smthn. my eyes were darker than my skin. i looked really creepy. luckily joe had some eye drops which helped some. my tables were still sorta creeped out tho lol. prolly thought i was some druggy... ha ha im ready to start my next painting but as usual have painters block... this last one ended up aight, altho my buddha looks more like a cute south park character rather than a wise leader, oh well so sad. friday night and im stayin in and about to go to bed. i better make some money tom @ work. otherwise i just might cry... aight peeps. im out mwah to todos hope everyones havin fun tonite ciao Mood: tired

	2005.02.20  14.30 seizures...=( so this morning i wake up after a crazy nite around 930 am with a horrible hangover. i laid in bed for a 1/2 hr until i had to use the bathroom. i get up and somehow make my way to the bthrm when suddenly a familiar feelings comes over me. this fuzzy dizzy feeling in my head begins and i suddenly want to throw up and cry. i felt the seizure coming on. suddenly i drop to the floor and in an odd state of consciousness i'm aware that my whole body is violently shaking and that i cannot stop it. my head is banging against the mat on the floor (thank god i fell on our fuzzy bthrm floor mat and not the tiles) and my whole body is convulsing. all i can do is cry and struggle to make it stop even though i know i can't. its weird cuz even tho i'm aware of whats going on, i dont feel fully conscious. finally it stops and all i can do is lie there and cry. i made it back to my bed and proceeded to lie there, afraid to move for the next 3 hours. sigh i guess i should go see the doctor considering this is now the 4th time this has happened to me. it seems to be caused by heavy drinking. although i dont understand why. maybe ill ask my psych professor and see if they know if theres some mechanism in the brain triggered by certain drugs?? or maybe its just my body's coping mechanism for alcohol poisoning? i've heard that seizures sometimes do occur in people who have alcohol poisoning but its weird that b4 a seizure i just feel like its a hangover, after i'm fine except for pain in my head, and it always has happened the morning AFTER a night of drinking. whats wrong with me?? if neone has any ideas let me know. please. Mood: anxious Music: the throbbing in my head

	2005.02.04  14.53 the meaning of life... the other night i was up for so long. i couldn't stop my mind from racing. after reading for a bit, and continuing to think, i felt that i hit upon something important. i took out my "idea log", a journal of sorts, and wrote it all out. that entry will be posted later, but for now lets say that i've hit upon something big...i think. Mood: pensive

	2005.02.01  22.05 The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. -- Buddha So hard to do. So hard. Mood: contemplative

	2005.01.24  14.04 some men r pigs so on sat night i went out to a couple of parties. the second one of which was at Rory's house. everything was fine, i was pretty drunk and havin a good time, partyin and dancin. at one point i was talkin to some guys (dont really remember what about ) and we were just chattin. suddenly, out of nowhere, one of the guys just shoved his hand down my shirt between my breasts!! i was so fucking shocked and pissed that this guy had the nerve to do that. i was wearing a somewhat low cut shirt, but that's no excuse. i was so enraged that i took my FULL cup of beer and poured it down the guys head all over him. i drenched him in beer and he apparently just left the party all pissed after that. well too fuckin bad. i hope he learned that he cant just do whatever he wants to just any girl. afterwards however, apparently one of his friends said to one of my friends that i deserved it and was asking for it because I was wearing a shirt like that. when he told me i was so enraged. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!? suddenly I'M the one at fault??? this guy can get away with it simply because of the type of shirt i was wearing? apperently whenever a girl is wearing something revealing, it gives a guy the right to grab her? its the old sexual harrassment/women's rights cliche: a woman should be allowed to wear whatever she wants without the fear that she will be assaulted because of it. i've never had that strong of a feeling one way or the other about that but now i know what they mean. its ridiculous that a guy wouldnt be able to control himself and then turn it around and blame the girl for "tempting him" in some islamic countries the women are forced to wear burqua's that cover their head whenever they walk out of their homes. they are also supposed to wear big, baggy dresses that cover up any shape to their body. they are not allowed to show skin or hair in public. this is mandated by both their religious and political laws. and WHY??? because it is assumed that it is the WOMAN'S fault if she is raped. of course! she tempted him! there is no responsibility on the man's part, he just couldnt help resisting the temptation of the "evil woman" so are we to assume that all men are morally weak? so pathetically weak that they cannot resist temptation from a woman? are they no better than dogs picking up the female in heat? are men nothing more than animals with no moral fiber when it comes to sex? this is pathetic then that we women are the ones who must suffer due to men's lack of self control. its pathetic that this idea has held for so long that even today the old islamic rules of a woman having to cover her body up still remains valid. women should be allowed to wear a low cut shirt without the fear of being attacked or bothered. i shouldnt have to worry about whether or not i'll be harrassed every time i get dressed to go out. and if i do it isn't my fucking fault. its the fault of the morally weak bastard. i find it ridiculous that a guy in this day and age actually said that i deserved that for wearing a low cut shirt. an educated guy who goes to a liberal university, in these modern times no less. i feel sorry for you men then. it must suck to be at the whim of your sexual desires all the time. it must suck to feel so torn every time you look at a girl you're attracted to. it must suck to have to restrain yourself from jumping on a girl whenever you get horny. it must REALLY suck to be a slave to your sex drive. its sad. and i suppose then i understand why you would feel the need to reverse the blame to women. it probably makes dealing with that a little easier if the fault can be shifted to someone else. Men: learn how to control yourselves and learn how to harness the sex drive. You are NOT animals. So stop acting like you are or using it as an excuse to get away with your selfishness. Not every guy who sees cleavage is going to grab it, so those of you who do have no other excuse than your lack of self-control. all right im done ranting for now. hasta luego Mood: pissed off

	2005.01.20  10.58 im back aight people. im back @ school. and im glad to be. break was incredible, soo much crazy fun w/my girls. but the curfew was just KILLING me! geez. why the fuck do my parents have to be so god damned fuckin traditional and old fashioned. just cuz im a frickin girl i have to be home by 130 while my LITTLE brother whos only a freshman in highschool can be home at midnight????? ugh. does neone else find that ridiculous? well theyve laxxed a bit so thats good. its now 2-ish ooh lucky me! neways...the last couple days of break were awesome. Sat night i went to this bar across the street from millenium park called Barro. i went with becky and mich, and mich's bf mario and 3 of his friends. it was def a good time. we got into the "VIP" area, had a bunch of drinks that we didnt end up payin for(thank you boys!), and danced the night away! by the end me and beck were quite tipsy and we were puttin on a show w/mich for most of the bar. it was hilarious. we were all grindin on eachother and there was a good chunk of the bar that were just standing there observing; they were all either like "hey! nice. girl on girl action" or "they are so drunk, what losers" hahaha Good Times... Sun night my dream came true! my darlin bf, Rich, took me to go see Yo-yo Ma and Daniel Barenboim, the pianist for the Chicago Symphony Orchestra (of which my old private cello instructor is a member) perform at the Chicago Symphony Center downtown. It was INCREDIBLE. Yo-yo ma is absolutely incredible. He plays soo intricately and makes it look so easy. He can put so many notes in one bow, slowly pulling the bow along yet getting an incredibly full sound. The pieces they played were beautiful as well. Ive never quite cared for Chopin but the piece they chose sounded gorgeous when they played it. Their Debussy piece was so interesting (i had only heard piano pieces of it before).Their finale was a Franck sonata which was sooooo incredibly intricate and the architecture of the piece was soo impressive. I had never heard it before and was blown away by the pattern among the various movements. It was all definately standing ovation-worthy and the whole place applauded for so long that after numerous returns to the stage to bow again Yo-yo Ma and Barenboim were obligated to do an encore. I was sooo excited! After the whole theater, again, gave them a long standing ovation to which they returned to acknowledge many times and FINALLY gave yet ANOTHER encore performance!!!!!!!!!! It was insane!! Before they began Yo-yo Ma spoke into the microphone and said "ok, this is the LAST ONE! ok??" to the applause and laughter of the whole audience! It was so incredible to see him live. Its been a dream of mine to go see him ever since i first started playing the cello in the fourth grade. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH RICH! MWAH! I LOVE YOU! it was a dream... So i headed back monday and now im here. Classes have been eh,. I missed a class already though. I was supposed to have one today @ 1030 but thats TOO EARLY for me!!! I can't do it! luckily its just a huge lecture. ich, hopefully ill be able to pull it off better in the future. LPA had our 1st board mtg of the semester. Im lookin forward to gettin this semester going. We're much more organized and hopefully we'll be expanding too. Theres some newbies interested so thats good!!! aight i should start gettin dressed etc to head out to my next class. then i gotta work tonite :( boo. papa del's gave me the crappiest schedule possible. ugh aight mwah ~cla Mood: groggy

	2005.01.11  20.37 i luv STRIP CLUBS!!! breaks been aight so far: there've been lots of random parties w/old high school chums, ive seen most my graduating class hahaha. def good times. its been great partyin it up with the girls and other new random friends as well. didnt get to see rich as much as i woulda liked, but we'll be goin to see Yoyo Ma play on sunday at the chicago which i am lookin forward to SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! its been my dream to see him play live and my wonderful boyfriend got tickets for me for xmas! CANT WAIT!!! there was quite the event about a week back when i, for the first time in my life, actually attacked someone. yes, i was a bit wasted. and yes, i was on a train by myself, late at night. both were bad ideas in their own ways. but it wasnt my fault that some ghetto-an decided to sit next to me and hit on me. he touched me and i told him to stop. and i told him i had a knife (this bond style knife in a pen thing i have). but he just laughed at me and moved his hand further up my leg which freaked me out cuz i was drunk. so i did the only logically drunken thing i could do. i drove my lil pen knife into his side. he then screamed "u bitch" and was about to hit me!!!!!!!!!! but luckily a fellow passenger FINALLY decided to take notice of what was goin on and stopped him and called the train-man and they put a stop to all this. i know, i know. i shoulda just stood up and walked away from the beginning. or yelled for help. but i was drunk. and i was retarded. and i was paranoid. so i didnt. instead i STABBED somone! i was freakingout later. i thought i killed him haha, but the next mornin i came to my senses and i realized that most likely, even tho there was a bit of blood onthe knife, i prolly just barely broke his skin cuz he was wearing a hoodie. CRAZY!!!!!!!!! the highlight of my break however [so far], is definately last nite's excursion to the Admiral, a strip club downtown. its a really cool place, its got a lounge vibe to it and ALL the girls there are gorgeous. i went with my girls becky and mich, mich's bf and 2 of his friends (one of which has a SWEET ASS navigator which was def pimped out w/a navigation system, playstation, 2 tv's which we enjoyed on our way there) and rory and angel from school. all 8 of us who went ended up gettin at least one lap dance. lol i had quite the interactions with the girls too: 1. as i caught the attention of one to ask her to give angel a dance, she said "ooh!" and grabbed my boob after which she said "its ok! u can grab mine too!" ...and i did. hahaha 2. as i was askin another to give rory a dance she kissed me on the lips! 3. as my girl was giving me a dance (who actually was the same one who had given me a dance the last time i was there), she kissed me a couple times on the lips =D 4. after one girl gave both rory and becky a dance, we asked her to give angel one as well. so she asked if she could bum a cig & take a break for a song. i stood up to give her my seat and she was all like "nonono sit down, this is fine" as she sits across my lap!! with see thru panties and no top on!! hahaha so we sat there for about 5 minutes smokin our cigs and talkin about really random stuff. she was originally from champaign which was random so we discussed schools (she goes to the art institute in chicago) and bf's (hers is a cop) etc. it was random and she also gave me a kiss when we were leaving at the end of the night. i enjoyed her tho ;) all in all it was def a crazy nite. we pregamed @ angels so we were pretty drunk when we got there. and the vibe & music there is awesome. rory got 2 dances angel got 3!! a couple girls were shared amongst us all. one of the girls i REALLY wanted to give me a dance (she was gorgeous!) but she disappeared until we left (lol prob giving some vip dance in the back) def a good time... hopefully there will be more fun times ahead! ta ta for now! mwah Mood: crazy Music: jay-z/linkin park cd (all 6 tracks baby!)

	2004.12.28  18.14 asi es la life well, im @ home now, chez moi in Brookfield. just finished doin yoga and my daily meditation. so relaxing. and about to start gettin ready to go out. home has been aight so far. enjoyably comfortable. ive been hanging out alot with my family. we have our issues but i really appreciate them more now than when i was younger. also its great to see my best girlfriends. i love those girls... things are changing though. i feel some friends pulling away due to changes we've all gone through. others are growing up more so than in the past. its weird. u always wish things will stay the same. but we really have no control over all this. some of us lean towards different roads, were all goin in the same direction, but it seems like some of us are more in a hurry than others. and the rest of us just want to chill and enjoy the scenery. i know this all sounds so cliche but its so accurate. some of us want to enjoy our youth, get the most out of it, experience different people, perceptions, ideas. others want to grow up and be more responsibly adult-like. i feel a drift forming. i suppose the only thing we can do is hope and let things take their course. or we can attempt to talk it out but for some reason that usually doesnt work. oh well... xmas was good. i got a gorgeous easel to paint on. also got 10 different perfumes! its insane. (6 of those came in one of those lil packs tho). also got to eat some good food and see lots of the family. its so weird now that all my cousins and i are growing up and were all hitting 21 yrs old. i still see all of us as if we were all still about 10 yrs old and the lil ones were still around 5. bizarre. so thats my life as of this moment. its all just really chill. im trying to ignore/avoid negative ideas and people as much as possible. certain things have happened both in the past and recently that i just want to move away from. its frustrating sometimes because its almost as if they keep following me. but for the most part im doing an ok job of keeping myself as positive and stressfree as possible for the time being. aight. thats enough self-absorption for today. mwah to everyone who reads this! i miss everyone from school. we must hang out this break so give me a call whenever ur in the area. i luv u all! ciao p.s. i still have presents to give away and u guys know who u r so give me a call so we can meet up. =D Mood: calm Music: damian rice

	2004.12.15  16.20 Students for a Free Tibet I've had nothing to do all these days, and so many people are hating me for it. Everyone is going crazy, studying for finals finishing up research papers etc. I on the other hand have just been bumming around,. My finals were done last week so i've just been LOOKING for something to do...and i think i found it.: I've always been VERY interested in various and different religions and cultures. And the big thing that has always caught my attention was Buddhism, especially Tibet, the Dalai Lama and the Karmapa. I have books wriiten by and about the Dalai Lama and about Tibet. Its all so intriguing and I've always wanted to travel to Tibet, no matter how tumultous and dangerous it may be. I was online looking stuff up about Tibet and its issues, and I came across a site for an international organization named Students for a Free Tibet. They have various registered chapters in high schools and universities nation/world wide. And i was VERY surprised to see that there wasn't one here at U of I. Especially considering how huge our school is. sooo............. I've decided to found the U of I chapter of SFT! I'm excited. It's something I've always cared deeply about and now i can do something that can add to the cause. This organization is intense. They are constantly calling Chinese Embassies and demanding their leave of occupation of Tibet. The Chinese government is constantly killing or imprisoning some Tibetan monk or supporter. Sitting here in our American middle-class comfortable lives, its hard to imagine the incredible injustices being done around the world sometimes. But thats why I feel the need to do something about it. Hence my Peace Corps aspirations... Im hoping to do Peace Corps after I graduate. I've finally told my idea to my parents and after ALL of thanksgiving break (almost every day was spent arguing w/my parents about the pros and cons of doing this and how i NEED to do this) they have finally given in and consented, albeit reservedly. Hopefully this will all work out. The ribbon in my user pic spot is the ribbon that stands for the hope of freeing Tibet from communist China's dominion. If you have any interests or questions about SFT and the chapter @ u of i, feel free to message me here or email me: clari013@gmail.com Mood: hopeful Music: I'll be there for you - Bon Jovi

	2004.12.09  14.53 wow well, i haven't updated in a while. why, u ask? prob becuz ive been goin insane w/school. but im finally done! yes! nothing left to do but 1 more paper and its not due till next friday. YES! =) lets see, whats happened since 2 wks ago, the last time i wrote in this damn thing??? well its all been pretty much classes, a couple exams and papers, and wkends made up of the usual~*~*~ ~*~i went to the huka bar on Grn st for the 1st time. it was a good time. my neighbors stole a Huka! it was hilarious. we all came back and smoked one of the STRONGEST and SMOOTHEST hits ive had in a loong time. very nice, very nice. haha my neighbors are such potheads, good times. ~*~sat was an eventful day to say the least. after work (where i got a $100 tip from my bf's brother!!!!! yes i was in utter and complete shock!!), i headed out to C-Street w/the papa del's crew for my luv, Brian's bday. it was an interesting nite. to summarize, here's the "away" i had up the next day on my IM: Last night was interesting, to say the least... # of gin & tonics i drank: 7 # of comments on my boobs by gay men: 6 # of comments on my boobs by straight people: 5 # of boobs i saw: 4 (2 of them being my MANAGERS) # of damaged body parts from last nite: 3 # of lesbian couples i saw fingering eachother: 2 # of $100 tips i got @ work: 1 !!!!! wow, what a night. to explain a couple things...yes i had 7 gin & tonics (not to mention OTHER drinks) so the day after i was hung over till about 9pm...yes it was a gay bar which exlains the girls fingerin eachother and the insane amt of gay men commenting on my boobs lol which then prompted a conversation about boobs where me and my coworker were discussing how it sux havin slightly larger-than-average boobs =/...yes i saw my manager Andrea's boobs, she was so wasted that she decided to flash us all twice. 1st time she just flashed us for fun, 2nd time she then proceded to take the bra off and play/jiggle her boobs around, hahaha wow. shes the owner's daughter, who would have been MORTIFIED to see this occurring...and yes i somehow sprained my big toe, got a bruise on my knee and cut my finger, i must have fallen but i dont remember. tonite we have the last LPA event of the semester, a potluck @ michelle's! then it seems as if we'll be pregamin w/Rory chez lui w/his leftover keg lol then off to corona nite we go...im def gettin CRUNK tonite...MUST celebrate im off to nap since ive gotten about 8 hrs of sleep in the past 3 nites. mwah! & g'nite Mood: relieved Music: the Iguanas--i ADORE them!!

	2004.11.27  16.12 time to go back... well the thanksgiving brk week is over. its been relaxin, didnt really do much of anything although its sad cuz im soo used to hard-ass beds that my awesome soft comfy bed is soo uncomfortable now! :( so sad... lets see... the brk got kicked off w/jina's awesome bash good times --> then proceeded to chill out w/the fam (borin after a while, yet relaxin). i got to see the rest of my girls on tues once everyone came home. we got hit on by some weirdo @ The CoffeeHouse (awesome place, odd crowd tht nite) what a loser, he thought we would swoon for him by showing us card tricks and talkin bout how much he knows bout diamonds then he goes on to say "i used to work @ Kay jewelers but now i work @ Accesoriez HAHAHAHAHA-->thanksgiving was nice, i got to see the fam and watch all my aunts anduncles get drunk and sing karaoke. lol my mom got wasted and was sorta disturbing cuz she was dancin all stripper style at one point, then kept repeating "girls learn from me, i know my limit", then almost threw up in the car and my dad had to carry my passed out mom from the car into the house cuz she couldnt walk. OH WOW. my mom NEVER drinks and i dont think ive EVER seen her drunk b4...it was quite hilarious/disturbing-->party @ robbie's on Fri ROCKED. --nicely done robbie! as usual-- my friends from school thought it was funny that our valedictorian always throws parties lol. come to think of it the salutatorian was jinnie! haha they both threw parties this brk lol. i got to see almost EVERYONE from high school there (from the grade above me to 2 grades below me!) insane. very good time. props to mo for bein the designated driver and takin one for the team. :D i luv u babe! -->today's my lil bro's bday, lucky bastard got an ipod. takin my mom to see Second City tonite for her bday (in 2 days) w/my sis. should be a good time ahh, so time to get back to school, back to the hmwrk, and papers, and exams ugh. i enjoyed bein home (surprisingly) and almost dont wanna go back. but im also lookin forward to the freedom of stayin out as late as i wanna again, and not havin to deal w/the parents 24/7. also i miss rich, havent seen him since school. and i miss HOLLIE! :) sigh, so one more nitethen im back to the daily grind...i'll see y'all peeps lata! mwah! Mood: grateful Music: leather ~~tori amos

	2004.11.23  02.00 quite bizarre... So I've been home for a few days now. Friday i came in and stayed @ jinnie's cuz she threw a keg at her apt downtown. It was alot of fun. She had quite a turn out, I was the "money bitch" (the collector of the $ for cups), kicked almost everyone's ass @ flippy cup (with help from Mich's bf) and met a lot of cool people. It was def a good time. jinnie-u should have another! Since then however, it has been very tame. I've pretty much just hung out at home considering my family's so jealous of my friends and the time i spend with them. So i've decided to appease them for now by stayin in and pretty much just readin (a lot), played my cello(my calluses are comin back!), and been online talkin to people (especially to the BF rich since he's in idiana for the week visitin fam :(, sad.) Besides most people aren't home yet for break so its ok. Its been quite bizarre however. I've felt more and more lately a sort of wall between me and the rest of the world. Even though I've gone from champaign, to chicago, to my hometown of brookfield, I feel as if I'm walking in place all the time and the world i see is nothing more than a projection which moves around me. Its very odd and very disturbing at times. I feel almost as if I'm not a real human. I know this all sounds idiotic, but I honestly cant get rid of these feelings. Its as if these thoughts have invaded my mind and refuse to let go. I've noticed theyve been lingering ever since I went momentarily insane when I did mushrooms. I had alot of these sort of thoughts during my madness (not feeling as if i was a human or me any longer, feeling very cut off from the rest of the world, feeling as if I was losing a sense of reality and not being able to do anything about it[i.e. when i felt i was inside a painting], and along with that feeling a sort of need for human contact) It disturbed me so much that since then, I, Clarissa Gonzalez, the girl who never needed anyone or anything other than myself to be content, suddenly need frequent contact with others. Almost as if to remind or to reassure myself of my humanity and sanity. Not that this is a bad thing to want to be around others more, its just different. And these days sitting here at home surrounded by my maddening house, where my family is constantly bickering, or laughing, or arguing, or playing cards, making noise and interacting in general, has sort of highlighted it for me. Perhaps I'm merely maturing, because I definately have more patience with my loud, obnoxious family then ever before. But I do sense a connection to my fear of this insanity caused by solitude. I know this all sounds extremely self-absorbed and overthought, and you might even be wondering if I'm high or something right now ...No, I am not:)... but I cant get these thoughts out of my head. I'm constantly almost overthinking everything I see, being way too over-philosophical, wondering constantly if what I'm seeing is real, or if I'm not human after all, and if I am then I need to prove it by others acknowledging it... its very unnerving and annoying. ugh, no more of this, its so annoyingly frustrating... anyways... update on the apt hunt->->->looks like a decision has been reached. Hollie drew out of a hat and it looks like the winner is the apt on Oregon and Lincoln. I'm happy cuz its the one i preferred. I like the open kitchen, location and the big patio/grassy area right outside of our sliding doors where we may be able to hold a party or two if such an occasion arises. :D Oh, and I must say, I'm lookin forward to Robbie's party this Friday. It should be a good time. Seems like there will be A LOT of people there, I just hope the good ol' Riverside P.D. doesnt decide to stop by like they have before in our high school days. I'm gonna be the "money bitch" again haha. At least until I get too drunk to deal with the responsibility ;) ok... im gonna go read myself to sleep...nothin like some psychology expt reading assignments to put you to sleep... nite! mwah! Mood: contemplative Music: cheers darlin' ~~Damien Rice

	2004.11.21  23.55 this one's for you Rich! MWAH! I LOVE YA! can't wait to see u again after turkey day break...i miss u! p.s. give me a call lata ;) Mood: loved

	2004.11.15  00.02 hollie is so weird... so LPA barcrawl was a S-U-C-C-E-S-S! it was so sad tho that the roomiecouldnt come :( i wish she had been there! then she coulda drank 40's of Coronas and partied w/all the cute girls and hot-ass boys that were in attendance. i got to party with some long-lost blaisdell boys who were hilarious and a good time, and dance to some latino-flava music w/ the latino crew.. we seriously roamed all over the place that nite. good times good times... oh by the way... i just spent 6 fucken hours at the fucken computer lab doin a fucken group project power point. yeah definately not fun... aight im gonna go chill w/the roommate cuz shes hyper as hell mwah! (p.s. hollie says hi). Mood: amused

	2004.11.09  14.04 blah lets see here: Friday after a five hour aprtment hunt, Hollie and I stayed in. So we just chilled all night. Bitching about how we werent out, but not caring enough to actually go out. She and I sat around talkin and we ended up havin some odd/deep/depressing conversations while having a late night snack, meanwhile, Henry Earl was running around free in the living room area. Suddenly one of my carrots fall to the dirty ass ground on which there was probably a ton of Henry Earl's hair, shit, and pee. I pick it back up and put it on the countertop and say "I'll just give it to him for a snack later." We continue eating and talking la-di-da...suddenly I say "Hollie! Where did that carrot go???" "oops!" she responds, "i forgot it fell! i put it back on your plate!" So I probably ate a bunch of dirty shit. Oh well... Sat I worked. It was insane. Dad's weekend led Papa Del's to be insanely packed and I was called by Pop's (the psycho owner) to come in at 11 am instead of 4pm. So I struggle out of bed, get ready, and head over to Papa Del's. As soon as I got there I started running back and forth, speed walking non stop making sure all my tables were pleased with everything, until I was finally able to take a break around 3:30. At 4 i came back, and once again, began running back and forth, speedwalking non stop, making sure all my tables were pleased and content with everything. It finally started dying down around 10 pm and I was finally able to go home. I worked for 11 hours and my legs and feet ached like a bitch. It sux walking back and forth non stop and sucking up to all your tables. BUT i DID make $160 so I suppose it was worth it...Emily came in with her dad too and they ended up leaving a 75% tip!!!!!! It was INCREDIBLE!!! I felt so bad taking it but they insisted so I had to! :) After work I met up with Rich and we rented a movie and watched it at his place. It was nice. Sunday we didnt wake up till about 4pm which is pretty ridiculous i know, but we didnt go to sleep till like 6 am so I have an excuse! We went to Murphy's with Andy after which I got a phone call from hollie. She couldnt find HENRY EARL! He had disappeared!!!!! So I run home to help her find him, and when I get there she tells me that she found him but...hes under the refridgerator!!! And he refused to come out. i finally lurred him out with his little treat. So with Henry Earl safe and sound in his cage, and Hollie goin to the library to study her poor ass off for an exam, I headed out with Rich and Andy to see the Incredibles. Rich managed to borrow Fritz's car so we got there easily and then made a pit stop at Meijer's for some grocery shopping. The INCREDIBLE's is awesome!!!!!! It was such a goooood movie! I highly recommend it!!! It was really funny and cute. After the movie we headed over to High St hung there for a bit then went to Andy's and had some drinks and played a lil rummy... Yesterday was a good day. I went to all my classes, got some research assisting done, finished up my schedule for next semester, and came back here for Hollie's preparation of a birthday phillipino dish for Gus. It was really good. Andy and RIch came over and we watched a movie, during which Hollie and I started messing around and while she was trying to shove her dirty socks in my mouth she accidentally ripped out my nose ring. And i couldnt get it back in. So it is now officially gone. That was my third and final try so no more nose ring for me...unless one day i just get an urge to do it one more time lol. Ah, sorry becky and jinnie and mo, u guys arent going to be able to see it. Oh well, i suppose God (or my father) just really doesnt want me to have a nose ring. Thats life i suppose. We later made a cake/cupcakes during which hollie and i were acting sorta psycho. Today is gonna suck, im gonna be workin AGAIN. Luckily Im first off tho. Then i get to come home to write a paper. ahh so much to do, i should get off this thing, i feel so self absorbed every time i write on this. As if anyone truly cares about this stuff. well im off, i hope uve all enjoyed reading the details of my boring ass weekend. mwah! Mood: mellow Music: the tipping point- the roots

	2004.11.04  19.58 ... well im quite disappointed with the election's results. VERY DISAPPOINTED...sigh...oh well, i guess it'll be four more years during which every conservative policy possible will be pushed through our system and made into laws... watch out girls, next thing you know abortions and the morning after pill will be illegal so u better keep safe! and boys, u better be prepared when the time comes otherwise ull be payin child support...as for those of u on death row: start sayin bye to your families...women, keep away from those sexually harrassing men at work cuz it aint gonna get you nowhere to tell, and for all the homosexuals out there, I'm sorry no equal rights for you! the 2nd patriot act will be passed and we'll be having this shadow govt of ours spyin on everything we do... its a sad, sad state of affairs. in other news, i got my VisCog exam back and I got a B- I'm sooooo pissed. I thought id definately get an A! oh well :( the LPA potluck was a good time, there were a lot of people there, and ALOT of good food! hollie came with and she and i walked through some shady-ass part of town just to get to Marty's apt (we walked over a creek, through an apt building that looked like it should have been in a horror movie, through someones back yard where oddly there was a lil brick path past a really really shady-white-trash-withbrokenfurnitureintheyard-garagestyle-scary lookin house, we learned what a dingleberry was (very disgusting I cant believe guys actually get those things), got to see some ass-floss, and chilled with ALOT of latinos lol. It felt like I was back at home, where my huge ass family will get together and eat food, with music playing and everyone mingling and talkin half english and half spanish. It was cool, brought back a taste of home. (i think i understand now why alot of ethnic people tend to make friends within their own racial groups. it brings a sense of home-ness to the group) luckily we got a ride home though! the walk back would have been really fuckin scary! ... i dunno if i should graduate a year early now! id have to overload my schedule a bit next semester to do it. ive had 12 hrs a semester every single semester so far. I dont think id be able to handle 19 hrs! i dunno what to do!?!?!?? either way ill be stayin around campus here next year. so i dunno what i should do... aight thats enuf for now ciao Mood: relaxed

	2004.11.02  12.02 ELECTION DAY!!! i hope Kerry WINS!!! Allright, i'm content with myself so far...woke up super early to go vote with hollie and brian...came back got some shit done for the LPA (latino psych. association)...the worked out, showered and now im chillin b4 classes. I'm scared cuz today we're gettin back our exams in Visual Cognition, and although I thought I did really good, our professor sent out an email saying that this exam ended up bein worse as far as grades than the last one. so i'm really really scared... Last night I went to the Barrack Obama rally. It was AWESOME. Dick Durbin was there! And so were all the Dem candidates for the champaign county positions. Obama was an incredible speaker. It was cool cuz since it was raining instead of being on the Quad it was @ the McKinley Bldg. Which was a smaller area. So although it was steaming hot in the place cuz it was psychotically crowded (300 people in the OVERFLOW room-imagine the main room!), it was definately worth it cuz I could was pretty close to Obama. He's incredible. I'm so glad I went. So hopefully the election results end upthe way I'm hoping!!! If Bush wins I'm going to be sooooo pissed. Hes such an idiot. I apologize to any of you who are his supporters but come on, I'd like a Prez that can complete a whole sentence without making grammatical errors. Plus the whole world hates/has no respect for him and our country because of him! Aight im done ranting...check this web site and read Bush's "resume"...its scary and really disturbing: http://www.anti-bush.com/index2.html Allright off to class then work till 1130! Ciao! p.s. i cant wait!!!!! I hope Kerry wins!!!!!!!! Mood: hopeful

	2004.10.31  00.10 tonight blows... wow, im depressed right now. i had to work today and it was insane. very very busy...Homecoming wkend AND halloween does not make for a fun night at papa dels. all day it was insane. there was an hour wait for tables. i cant beleive most of those idiots actually waited. i was running back and forth like a chicken with its head cut off and then it all just completely died @ 10 pm so from 10 to 1130 i sat and watched tv cuz i didnt have one table. it was such a waste of time. then i come home and everyone is out having a good time and im sittin here all by myself cuz im extremely tired, sleepy and i have no costume so i dont want to be one of the few not dressed up. so me and henry earl are chillin, and i feel sooooo depressed... im tryin to keep myself occupied but theres nothing to do...everyone is out... im so bored...im so depressed... ill at least get to dress up for a party tomorrow...i just need to run out to Dallas & Co to pick up a few things and im gonna be a gypsy! :) ...:( tonight blows... Mood: depressed Music: supreme beings of leisure

	2004.10.28  15.34 hmm... Relieved... all the million things I had to do yesterday and today are now DONE. ~I officially have the credits for my Research Assistant-ship now... ~I got the prices for the LPA barcrawl tshirts (very cute, drawn by Hollie)... ~Yesterday's LPA mtg was a success! We had the most people that have ever shown up to a meeting... ~Study group last nite was definately worth it (thanks to my coordinating it)... ~I finished my exam I think i did well, i'm very content... i'm gonna take a nap...only got 5 hrs last nite... i should prob eat smthn too...feelin a lil woozy here... ciao ----------------------------------------------------- a few hours later, i got a call from Papa Del's reminding me that i was supposed to work today...so my excruciating 2 day psychoness continued until about 930 pm...AND i only made $30...f**kin waste of time... i am now finally done and i'm super tired, but i took a shower, am gettin ready, and im gonna go out and drink my sorrows/soreness of eyes and muscles away... whiskey here i come... Mood: drained

	2004.10.27  13.11 i'm content with this...haha Your Boobies' Names Are: Elvis Get your own Boobie Names Mood: mischievous

	2004.10.26  19.49 hollies laughing at me right now cuz i'm in awe of how computers work... How common are clariboop13's interests Universal none Popular piano (53473) Common french (24544) jazz (48789) reggae (10941) Specialist cello (6747) dali (5586) escher (1663) gandhi (1101) karate (8129) snow white (1528) tibet (1552) Unusual all books (18) chamomile tea (239) falun dafa (40) foot massages (327) gin & tonics (100) my nose ring (62) precious moments (619) quechua (49) the dalai lama (315) tootsie (75) wine & cheese (32) Rare indian tea (7) other cultures and religions (2) the karmapa (1) unique sticks of wood (1) Enter username: InterestRank was bought to you by _imran_ and MemeLand.org Mood: contemplative

	2004.10.26  18.18 crazy crazy crazy Ahh there is sooo much goin on and so much i want to do but dont have time to do... After being super super sick since Friday I went and got a check up @ McKinley, apparently I have a sinus infection--ich--so i got meds for that so thats good. I just dont comprehend how my body can be in a constant sick-state. Shouldnt all my white blood cells be tired from these constant wars with random viruses? How am I still functioning? There hasnt been one month since my 2nd semester of freshman year that I've gone without getting sick, whether its a common cold, mono, allergies, my back spasming and me not being able to walk for 3 days or now, a sinus infection...So I called into work today and told them I couldnt come in but would have a doc's note for them. So at least I didnt have to work today... But I DO have to: start thinking bout a research paper, meet with the coordinators for a new research experiment I'll be working on with a professor tomorrow, get info for the barcrawl t-shirts for the LPA meeting tomorrow, study for Thursday's Visual Cognition exam, turn in my late course add paperwork to the LAS office tomorrow, go to a focus group meeting tomorrow for the leadership center, meet with my project group and get our outline going, not to mention cleaning Henry Earl's cage and playing/feeding him, eating, sleeping?, and maybe seeing my boyfriend and friends. LORD! All this in just the next 2 days. And I'm know I'm forgetting something, I just cant remember what!?!?!?! ahhhhh I'm goin crazy. Then Friday I finally wont have class but I'll have work! And its Homecoming wkend so work will be super super busy psycho. ugh, at least I'll be able to go out this wkend, as long as this sinus infection doesnt make me any weaker than i already am...all right i gotta stop complaining. This psychoness is just really getting to me. I hate being so busy. I NEED my down time to just relax and read a book. But its really not that bad...or so i'll keep tellin myself :P aight i'm off to study my ass off and read a shitload of experiments and publications on various topics of Visual Cognition...ciao! p.s. i learned more today about Chess and Chess championships in my VisCog class than I really need to know...it is however all surprisingly interesting...just thought id share :D Mood: crazy Music: livin la vida loca